The Republican Promary

Above: The Lollypop Gang.

It was sent to me by someone who is very well-informed about contemporary issues, but the only one he could identify is the one farthest to the left (smirk), Trent Lott. He is the one who thought the segregationist Strom Thurmon should have been President. Recent developments indicate that Rev. Al Sharpton’s ancestor was the property of Strom Thurman’s ancestor.

Also pictured are Kay Bailey Hutchinson, Senator from Texas and Mitch McConnell in the front row. I recognize the others, but their names escape me for the time being, and for that I am grateful. Besides, one thing about Republicans – they all look alike. Same uniform, same hair-style, same speech patterns.

All of them are on record as supporters of the Decider (I had first typed Pretender, Freudian typo) and, now that the Democrats control the Senate, are supporters of the filibuster. Prior to that, they considered it “Unpatriotic”. One final interesting point, until it started to look possible, it was the only party to support the Equal Rights Amendment for Women and opposed slavery.

Today, one of their most pressing issues is anti-evolution, now called “Intelligent Design.” From looking at them, you can imagine what kind of intelligence.

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The Republican Field

For some reason, the media is covering the race for the Republican Nomination for the Presidential Candidacy. I have already talked about the Republicans, but let’s look at them again as an exercise in masochism. Before we do that, I do need to mention that one reader suggested that Cheney might be removed somehow fairly soon to give an advantage to someone. I fail to see how being the Vice President right now could help anyone, but then I could not see the logic of Invading Iraq. The fact that his ex-Chief of Staff is now a convicted Felon may help in this effort.

I recently tried, and I honestly can think of nothing that I had in common with Newt Gingrich – nothing I know about, anyhow, but he did make a remark somewhere recently that I agreed with, even found very good. He said that the Democrats should adopt the following as an election bumper-sticker: HAD ENOUGH? Well, Newt to the Republicans is sort of like Gore to the Democrats. Not actively running, but more visible as times move on.

McCain: It is a bit refreshing to see a Republican who disagrees with Bush on the war. Unfortunately, he wants to escalate it even further. He was a POW in Viet Nam and hates Jane Fonda. The religious right thinks he is too liberal on social issues, but he is fixing that.

Romney: A northeastern Republican, from Massachusetts of all places. Same problem as Romney, but more convincing that he has seen the light and that God should rule, or at least “moral” issues (meaning forced births, discrimination against gays and blacks, and forced piety in schools).

Howard Stern: Lawyer for Anne Nichole Smith. Titular Father of her child. Actually, he is not running for anything, but Fox News covers this issue more closely than the carnage in Iraq and Washington, D.C. courts, so it is fitting that it be mentioned here. There is a dispute over custody of the child and custody should go to someone with a motherly instinct who can provide it with a good life – Oprah.

Gulliani: Best know for the remarks made by New York Police as they sodomized a black man in the men’s room of a police station: “It’s Gulianni time!” I think the victim later said he made that up. Also known as Mayor of New York when two airplanes flew into the World Trade Center. Withdrew from the race for the Senate against Hillary Clinton. I think I spelled his name incorrectly.

I’m starting to loose interest in this subject.

Who else is running? I forgot.

I don’t much care, either.

The party is so far to the right that someone named Rockefeller is a Democrat.

Coming up: The Democrats. At least I can tell them apart.