Jindal's Response -- Exclusive -- First Draft!

THE ABSURD TIMES

Here is an exclusive copy of the first draft of Bobby Jindal's speech delivered as the Republican response to Omama's speech. The Times can not reveal the source of this document:

This draft has been heavily guarded as it is, after all, written by a Republican.

Many right-wingers were disappointed by the speech as delivered and only one, Rush Limbaugh, had the courage to defend it. He must have seen the first draft (above) as it is far better written than the one actually delivered.

Since we at the Times have had training in reading such handwriting, we will take a closer look at it and put it into print:

"Pleaseth it your honourable Lordship toching Marlowes monstrous opinions as I cannot but with an agreved conscience think on him or them so cam I but particularize fewe in the respect of them that kept him greater company."

So far, as you can seen, he got Obama's name wrong, but it is clear that he dislikes his policy.

It continues: "Howbeit in discharg of dutie both towardw God, your Lordships & the world thus much haue I thought good breiflie to discover in all humbleness...."

Wait a minute, this does not seem like Jindal wrote it. I've seen it before. Oh yeah, it was written by Thomas Kyd, author of The Spanish Tragedy. Never mind.

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They are working on a new flu vaccine that will stop ALL strains of the flu, but that does not mean you can stop watching out for sneezing birds.

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