Kings, Model Leaders, Revisionsim

THE ABSURD TIMES

 

Illustration:  Our Hero!

 

We have tried to keep quiet about a vile conspiracy for a while now, but it has become necessary to blow the whistle of the perpetrators.

 

Everyone is familiar with the brilliant, incisive, and accurate documentary by William Shakespeare on Richard III, but now there is an evil band of revisionists who want to tear down his reputation and how well he served as a model for modern statesmen.

 

Richard was a gnarled hunchback who was bitter and angry that someone else was in his way to become King.  He is forthright and honest about that.  In fact, he gives a speech right at the beginning of the documentary saying that.  What more do you need to verify his honesty? 

 

But no, these conspirators dig up his bones from under a parking lot in Leicester and us DNA to verify the remains.  So what?  It also shows he had at least seven fatal wounds in his skull?  What more proof do you need of his courage?  And mind you, he did all of this without using a gun.

He had to kill a bunch of people to become King because they were ahead of him in this society rife with nepotism.  First he kills one guy, but while the body is being carried to the grave, accompanied by his widow, Richard tells her he did it for her and she promises to marry him.  “Was ever woman in this manner wooed?” he asks.  In other words, what a moron she is.

 

Well, of course he killed his two nephews, perhaps by drowning them in a malmsey pit, or maybe that was someone else.  It doesn’t matter, he finally gets rid of everyone else and then spends his time in prayer while two of his buddies try to put the crown on his head but he resists saying he would rather spend his life in prayer.  What a saint!

 

Well, he accepts, and says one of the greatest lines ever:  “I thank God for my humility!”  It is hard to be humble, all readers of this article know that, but with God’s help we can bring it off for a little while, at least.

 

All modern leaders have since followed his example, and it is time that we acknowledge the greatness of this last member of the Plantagent family to rule England.  It is much better off now being ruled by inbreeding Germans.

 

Don’t be fooled but the revisionists!  Down with false history!