Defeated: Christmas

THE ABSURD TIMES

WINNING THE WAR ON CHRISTMAS

We are now taking credit for winning the war on Christmas.

We have liberated millions from this one cancer on our spirit through “asymmetrical warfare.”

Actually, we didn't even know that term until the Bush Administrations and misguidedly used guerrilla warfare instead.

The methods are actually quite ingenious. You use the strengths of the enemy as your own counter-strengths. Hence, if they are large, they are exposed and do not move easily. That gives you mobility. If they have tremendous media power, you are able to move in silence. These are only two examples, but they serve the purpose.

So, this year, we completely ignored Christmas. We were are to used affordable technology to record completely secular forms of entertainment and information to be played back while the mass media outlets vomited forth their yearly muck of platitudes. We didn't notice any of it at all, so perhaps it didn't even happen. And if an object or event is not perceived, was there an object or event to be perceived at all? I would have noticed something that big.

Furthermore, we did not publish our yearly ode to Beethoven as an alternative because our position is that was was nothing for it to be an alternative to.

There was one glimmer that managed to be noticed. A camera captured an image supposedly of the town of Bethlehem, a hotbed of Christmas, but all that really stood out was an homage to the Norse God of fertility, Balder, whose symbol was the evergreen. I believe that Loki had messed with him, but that the tree remains. Wagner wrote some operas about the Twilight of All This, however.

So, now we can take credit for it. People are celebrating the money cliff instead. Our Government is busy killing children in other countries. Bibles are being removed from Veteran's Hospitals as a part of a counter-insurgency plan, but it is too late. The war is over.

Now you may live Decembers in peace from now on, just remembering our victory and your liberation.

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