A World Gone Mad

THE ABSURD TMES

Clearly, time is running out on sanity. We feel that the old saying “Don't speak when you mouth is full,” needs to be replaced with “Don't talk to me when you mind is empty.” The American political scene is clearly gone wild.

I understand that the war on women is like the war on left-handed Irishmen. – Ryan

I realize I should be letting some of this out because the trouble with so many political jokes is that they get elected, but so be it. I'm going to continue. Remember, these are all real – I couldn't make them up.

A new disease called Romnesia is afflicting the campaign. At least it's covered by Obamacare.

Women can't get pregnant in the case of legitimate rape because their fallopian tubes go spastic. Ok, so then why call student loans stage three of socialism? Why repeal social security? Men need Medicare at least because they do not have the luxury of spastic fallopian tubes. Rush Limbaugh says that men's penis size is 10% smaller today because of Feminism. (He ought to know, I suppose.)

It's time to repeal the 17^th Amendment. That's the one that allows people to elect Senators. Rather, they should be appointed by state legislators. Right.

Akin of Missouri hoped to win the debate against the Democratic incumbent, but the Cardinals were in a playoff game at the same time. I don't think the ratings were very high.

Candy Crowley is guilty of Journalistic Terrorism for introducing facts during a debate. They don't belong there.

Isn't the Republican Party an FTD? (Fox Transmitted Disease).

Ryan drinks 8 glasses of water a day.

Newsweek will stop printing its magazine and instead will be competing with The Absurd Times in the online market. We are not afraid!

Obama asked the audience to take their seats so Clint Eastwood doesn't start yealling at them.

Romney wished Joe Biden were there to hear his jokes because he will laugh at anything.

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