Of late, a tireless public servant has been subject to a plethora of attacks from what can only be described as spiteful and malignant critics of his dedication to, and faithful execution of, his awesome and demanding duties as the former Vice-President of the United States of America. The most recent attacks come as a response to his appearance on the F* News Channel as part of his promotion of both himself and his book, both of which are titled DICK. His interviews were conducted by a male with a low forehead with an Irish sounding name, best known as H*. This Dick had remained secreted for most of the past eight years in "Secret" locations and, both to his credit as eminently self-effacing and humble, said very little in public. To be sure, ever since his appearance at the inauguration in a wheel chair, it has been difficult to see him or hear him without thinking of the Stanley Kubrick film, Dr. Strangelove.
Much of this criticism is a result of his defense of "enhanced interrogation," a procedure that many critics call "torture," and we know quite well that ex-President George W. Bush said that we "do not torture." The problem the critics have is in understanding the definition of torture and this definition depends greatly upon ones point of view, or who is involved. For example, if Mr. Cheney were flogged and had needles stuck under his fingernails and other pain inflicted upon him until he confessed, I am sure he would consider that torture. However, if it is done to someone else, he would not consider it torture. Since Mr. Cheney was never waterboarded, nor was Mr. Bush for that matter, no torture was practiced by the United States. His critics simply miss that very obvious point.
He is also providing another service to his country gratis: he is carefully and thoughtfully, at no charge to us, letting us know how Mr. Obama has jeapordized national security. It may not have been clear to those watching our President's visit to the southern regions of the continent, but he actually shook hands with Mr. Chavez. While Mr. Cheney was not specific about the particular dangers this posed to us and our loved ones, he has at least warned us to that when the impending doom descends upon us, we were prepared. To compound matters, Mr. Obama actually accepted a book from him. There seems to be no end to the perfidity of our President's lack of vigilance, but we at least have DICK looking over us.
Another tremendous threat to our national security and completely incomprehensible failing, Mr. DICK points out to us is the absurdity of Mr. Eric Holder, the current Attorney General, in adhering to the law as is required by that most evil of documents, the United State's Consitituion. Of course one swears on a bible to uphold the Constitution, that is expected, but to actually be so naieve as to attempt to do it leaves him at a complete loss. He was never once quilty of defending that document and its outdated ideas – why he even was industrious enough to help defeat its purpose.
Yet with all his virtues and stature, there is a dark, forboding force that shrouds his good name, a force that he was able to avoid and ignore while he retained the powers of office, but seems all but certain to doom him to eternal condemnation in the eyes of the cilivized world, the wretched evil called "the facts." For example, it has been well-known that "torture" (for that is what everyone else other than he and F* news calls it, produces nothing of value and that all the useful information obtained from any Al-Qaeda types was obtained before any torture was employed on them. So what possible reason could there be to torture some of them as much as six times a day?
Well, these techniques were borrowed by us from the Korean/Chinese who used them to obtain false confessions – in fact, that is the only possible use for torture (other than a sadistic pleasure – actually, Ms. England, the short female with the leash in the Abu Garahib photos was probably punished not because of committing torture, but for enjoying it). It was quite important for Mr. Cheney to establish a connection between Saddam Hussein and Bin Laden.
Now, nothing could be more far-fetched than that. From what is obvious concerning Saddam's personality and beliefs, some upstart fundamentalist Wahabbi could hardly be anything but anathema to him, especially if that fundamentalist had thoughts of grandeur. After all, all grandeur belong to Saddam, the Saladin of the modern world. Bin Ladin, indeed.
However, we could try to torture some of his followers to confess to many ties. Unfortunately, even under torture they found the thought too ridiculous to take seriously.
And that, dear world, is why the DICK will never be known as anything more than the DICK.
Sic transit glorius mundi
Finally, remember Obama's senate race? His original opponent had to drop out because his wife complained that he was subjecting, or trying to subject, her to lewd and lascivious behavior. It is not clear what that behavior was, but I came across a photo of her and her situation in that photo is NOT what she was complaining about – she was complaining about more. So, out of deference to those on the mailing list who might have a problem with her "objectification," I have posted the photo on the site itself and refrained sending it through the e-mail. However, if you want to see it and then speculate what he was after, just click on the link, below. He, by the way, was replaced by the insane Alan Keyes (not as husband, but a Republican opponent).